Color Me Sexy: Feelin' Ya Self Esteem

When you look into your partner's eyes, what do you see? Hopefully the answer is love, respect and support. Next, answer this question: Do you feel that you deserve those feelings? The answer is important because how you feel about yourself—your self-esteem—plays a major role in your ability to maintain close relationships and enjoy a full sexual relationship.

Simply put, self-esteem is the ability to view yourself as being able to cope with the basic challenges of life and the belief that you deserve to be happy. If you don't think you're worthy of happiness, for instance, you may also think you're unworthy of a full, rich, sensual and sexual life?

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Our bodies house our sexuality -- it is through the body, essentially, that sexuality finds expression. So being aware of just how we feel about our bodies, is revealing.

1. Communication: Communication is the foundation of a great sex life.

Reflect on your feelings about sharing your sexual preferences: How do you feel about communicating what you like or want? Do you judge yourself for what you like? Withholding that information can certainly lead to a dissatisfying sexual experience. You may feel more vulnerable talking about sex in bed, so it's worth having conversations outside of the bedroom. And when you do, be sure to make eye contact, listen without judgement, acknowledge what your partner is saying. And if you're not sure of something, ask.

2. Sex and Meaning. Sex means different things to different people.

Take a moment to think about what sex means to you. Be clear with both yourself and a partner before a sexual encounter, about just what exactly you're about to do, means to both of you. It's okay to have different meanings, it's just helpful to have the information in order to make a clear sexual decision. What does sex mean to you?

Sex itself is just a body part doing something to another body part -- perhaps it's a finger doing something to an anus or lips doing something or a tongue or maybe it's just a penis into a vagina -- there's no intrinsic meaning to these actions, just the physical mechanism of movement. But as humans, we are meaning makers-we make meaning out of everything and we attach a LOT of meaning particularly to sex. Sex can mean power, connection, physical pleasure, a declaration that now we're a couple.